Shiver
by InTheCompanyOfDragons
Summary: Sam has always hated the cold.
1. Chapter 1

Shiver

December 1988, Flint Michigan

Sammy was crying. Dean had dragged his brother into the back room of their tiny apartment, because John had a look of frustration on his face, and being so close to the holidays, Dean didn't want to anger him.

"Sammy, stop crying what's wrong?" Sam sniffled and his wide watery hazel eyes met his brothers.

"Tis cold outside Dean… I don' like the cold…"

"It's always cold here in the winter Sammy… but you have to go outside so you can get to school, you like school don't you?" Sammy nodded his head frantically he loved school.

"Okay, well you have three more days of school until Christmas Break, can you brave the cold for three more days?" Sam tilted his head in contemplation.

"If I go outside, does that make me a good boy?"

"Uhhh…." Dean was confused and didn't know why Sam was asking that. "You are already a good boy Sammy, but it is always good to go to school and do what Dad says." Sam nodded.

"Will Santa come?" Dean sighed but nodded his head.

"I am sure he will Sammy." Sammy's eyes lit up and he got up and grabbed his coat off the bed.

"If Santa can go out in the cold, I can too!" Dean laughed.

"Okay Sammy, grab your stuff I will meet you by the door." Dean wandered back out to the living room where their father was waiting.

"Where's Sammy?"

"He's coming, just getting his backpack."

"Okay, good. Glad he listens to you…"

"He just doesn't like the cold…"

"Mhmmmm." John mumbled.

"Hey Dad?"

"What isn't Dean?"

"Make sure you get Sammy a Christmas present from Santa this year okay?" John quirked an eyebrow at Sam, he didn't like his kids believing in stuff that wasn't real, there was enough stuff that was real.

"Please Dad… he is just a kid…"

"Okay… fine." Dean smiled, he knew Santa wasn't real but he wanted Sam to be a kid.

"Thanks Dad."


	2. Chapter 2

October 1995, Appleton Wisconsin

Sammy was lying in the back of the Impala, huddled in the old ratty army blanket he had found under the passenger seat. He had been sick for the past week, and the runny nose, tight chest, and achy bones made him miserable enough, but now he was laying in the car waiting for Dean and his Dad to come back from the salt and burn they were finishing in the cemetery.

He shot up in his seat when he heard the front door squeak open, and pointed his gun in that direction, lowering it when he saw it was just his brother.

"How you feeling Sammy?" Sam coughed into the blanket.

"Like I've been run over by a truck…" Dean sighed and reached back to place his hand on his brother's forehead.

"You're shivering…"

"It's cold Dean… I don't like the cold…"

"I know Sammy, we will go back to the motel soon, I promise." Dean took his jacket off and laid it over Sam's small form. Sam curled into a ball and let out a content sigh.

"Thanks De…"

"Anytime little brother, now go to sleep." Sam's eyes slipped shut, and even though Dean was covered with a thin sheen of sweat from digging up graves, he turned on the car, and turned the heat up high, smiling as Sammy relaxed even farther into his jacket, and he didn't move when John opened the door and slid into the drivers seat.

"Everything alright Dean?"

"Yeah, he is still pretty sick though, and he is freezing, you know how much he hates the cold… maybe me and him could crash at a motel when you and Bobby go on the next hunt? He'll get better faster that way…"

"No Dean, I don't care what he likes or doesn't like, he has to learn to toughen up." Dean swallowed and nodded.

"Yes sir…"

Neither of the oldest Winchester's noticed as a tear slipped down Sammy's cheek as he faked sleep, and when they pulled into the motel they would be spending the night at, Dean shook him awake.

"Wake up little brother, time for a nice warm bed." He sat up and got out of the car in silence, handing Dean back his jacket. Dean frowned as Sammy kept his eyes downcast, hidden behind his thick bangs.

"You okay Sammy?" Sam lifted his face, and he had a new hardness to him, one that scared Dean a little bit.

"It's Sam." He whispered, and he turned his back on Dean, heading towards the motel room.

Sam stopped complaining about the cold after that.


	3. Chapter 3

January 2004, Palo Alto California

Sam had just gotten home from a lecture, and he was exhausted. Jessica was humming away happily, as she cooked her latest creation in the kitchen. Sam smiled, and looked around, sometimes it was still weird, to think about the fact he lived in this apartment, that he never had to get up and run away in the middle of the night.

He won't lie though, there is still salt on the window sills, and a shotgun under the couch, and sometimes he still wakes up with the need to runaway, but with each passing year it gets easier to stay in one place, and the windows go days without him remembering to salt them, he isn't even sure if the shotgun is loading anymore.

"Sam? That you?" Jessica called.

"Yeah, its me."

"Come in here for a second, I want to ask you something." Sam kicked off his shoes and wandered into the kitchen, and wrapped his arms around Jessica, planting a kiss on the top of her hair. Jessica spun around and planted a kiss on his lips.

"What do you need to ask me?"

"Zach and Rebecca are going skiing in Wisconsin next weekend and wanted to know if we wanted to go." Sam laughed.

"I can't afford to fly to Wisconsin to go skiing Jess."

"We don't have to, they were supposed to go with their parents, but they cancelled on them, we only have to pay for our hotel room and food." Sam sighed.

"You should go Jessica, but I really don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Well for one, I've never been skiing in my life, and I hate the cold…"

"Really? Did you never live anywhere cold growing up?" Sam laughed.

"I've lived in all of the lower 48 states Jess…"

"Oh… Okay, I'll stay with you, I am not very good at skiing anyway."

Sam and Jess lounged on the couch, Sam ran his hand through her golden hair. She hummed happily, not really focused on the tv.

"Is that why you came to California?" Jess asked suddenly.

"What?"

"You hate the cold, is that why you came to Stanford? You could have gone to school anywhere…" Sam stopped moving his hand and she looked into his dark eyes.

"I like the coast, it is the farthest I could get, do you think there are any decent movies on tonight?"

'Yeah, but what are you running from?' Jessica thought, but she settled back into Sam's chest and they fell into silence.


	4. Chapter 4

June 2011, Somewhere in Texas.

It was easily a hundred degrees, and Dean was hot sweaty and irritable. The latest stupid car they had stolen had no air conditioning, and that was the only reason Dean decided to stop at the first motel he saw.

Sam said nothing as he pulled into the parking lot, he just sat with his thumb rubbing against that cut on his hand, Dean had learned to ignore it, everything in him wanted to stop Sam from hurting himself, but Sam had to cope somehow, and this was the only way they could figure out.

The room was nothing special, just two beds, a microwave, a ridiculously small bathroom, but it had an air conditioner so Dean was happy. He turned it on, and pulled some clothes out of his bag.

"I'm gonna go shower, and then I am going to pass out until another world ending disaster happens." Sam tilted his head and smiled.

"You mean like Leviathans trying to eat us?" Dean snorted.

"They can wait ten hours…. Maybe even twelve." Sam laughed and Dean went into the bathroom, running a cool shower and savoring the feeling against his over heated skin. He pulled on some boxers and a tshirt and made his way back into the room. Sam was laying on his bed staring at the ceiling, and Dean frowned when he saw that the air conditioner was switched off.

"Sammy? Did you turn this off?" Sam blinked slowly and looked over at Dean.

"Yeah."

"Why?" Sam frowned and his eyes flicked to the corner before going back to Dean.

"I don't like the cold." Dean rolled his eyes; he hadn't heard that complaint in a long time.

"Dude we're in Texas, and it is a million degrees out, you can deal with the air conditioning." Dean flicked the air back on and lay down on the bed. "Good night Sam." Sam let out a shaky breath and pressed down hard on the cut on his hand.

"Good night Dean."

Dean woke up to whimpering, and he tightened his grip around the knife he kept under his pillow, and stood up. Sam was huddled against the far wall, seeing no immediate threat Dean moved around the bed, and kneeled beside Sam, who had his knees pulled tightly against his chest.

"Sammy? Are you with me?" Sam flinched and attempted to pull himself tighter.

"S'not real…"

"Sammy, I'm right here." Dean reached out and touched Sam's arm and Sam screamed.

"Please stop… don't be Dean… be anybody but Dean…" Dean's heart dropped, and he did something he rarely did, he reached for Sam's hand and squeezed, pushing on the gash that never seemed to quite heal. Sam winced and then his eyes focused on Dean.

"You okay buddy?"

"D-d-dean?"

"Right here Sammy?"

"S'so cold Dean… why is it so cold?" Dean frowned.

"It isn't that cold Sam, it's just the AC…" Sam shook his head frantically.

"It's cold Dean… Lucifer is cold." Dean tensed as he remembered Detroit, and Lucifer telling them he burned cold.

"Jesus Christ Sammy… okay hang on." Dean slipped on a tshirt and a pair of jeans, and lifted Sam up from the ground and dragged him awkwardly through the room and out the door, placing him on the curb and sitting down beside him. Sam continued to shiver.

"You feel that little brother? It's hot out here, you aren't there anymore." Sam nodded.

"Yeah its warm…" Sam blushed suddenly and hid behind his hair. "I'm sorry Dean…"

"It's okay Sammy… I didn't know, I thought you were just being a pain in the ass like you were when you were a kid." Sam laughed.

"I really never liked the cold… but now… it just brings everything back…"

"It's okay kid, you don't ever have to apologize for any of the hell stuff…"

"Thanks Dean…"

"Anytime little brother, anytime."


	5. Chapter 5

January 15th 2012, Newark New Jersey

It had been an easy hunt as far as Dean was concerned, and he had enjoyed it because it had been an old fashioned, tracking something through the woods monster hunt. No angels, no demons, just a simple monster they could kill with a gun and silver bullet, just like when they were kids. Neither of them were injured, and the monster was dead, all in all it had been a pretty good day, or so Dean thought.

Sam was silent, and he had curled up on himself in the passenger seat of the Impala as far from Dean as he could get. Dean was concerned, but said nothing because Sam and Dean were working out some kinks in their relationship and Dean was having difficulty feeling sorry for a kid who had left him in Purgatory. When they got back to the motel Sam bolted from the car and into the room, and by the time Dean walked through the door, the shower was running.

His big brother sense was going off when fifteen minutes later Sam hadn't emerged from the bathroom. He got up off the bed and knocked on the door.

"Sam?" When there was no answer Dean pounded harder on the door. "C'mon Sammy, I wanna shower at some point too!" Dean paused when he heard loud gasping on the other side of the door. Dean sighed and pushed the door open. Sam was no longer in the shower; he was sitting on the toilet in his boxers staring at the floor. The room was full of steam and Dean reached over to shut off the shower off before making his way over to his brother, and when he had Sam in his reach he gasped.

"Jesus Christ Sammy what did you do?" Sam peered up at Dean with clouded eyes.

"I was cold." Sam was bright red and slightly burnt, Dean's stomach turned at the thought of Sam standing in the shower as boiling water poured over him.

"Okay? And you thought burning the crap out of yourself was the answer?" Sam shrugged.

"Made me feel better at the time…"

"Is this a bitchy I hate the cold thing? Or is this… you know…" Sam peered up through his wet hair at his brother.

"What a hell thing? I'm not crazy anymore Dean, chill out." Sam snapped. Dean sighed and turned his back on Sam.

"I never thought you were crazy Sammy… not for a second." Dean closed the door behind him and flopped back down on his bed, he would shower in the morning, and he didn't want to fight with Sam. I wished things were back to the way they used to be.

Dean woke up in the middle of the night, which had been happening a lot lately, ever since purgatory. Running from monsters twenty four seven had that affect on your sleeping habits. This time Sam was also awake, the television was on but Sam was watching Dean out of the corner of his eye.

"Why are you awake Sammy?"

"Same reason that you are, your haunted memories are making your brain go a million miles a minute." Dean groaned, of course Sam knew, the kid basically majored in nightmares.

"So the shower thing was a hell thing then?"

"Don't you think we have more pressing matters at the moment?"

"Your hell vision always matters." Sam sighed and muted the TV.

"I'm not seeing Lucifer Dean."

"So what is it then? I thought you were over all that." Sam turned towards his brother with a serious face.

"Are you over it? Do you ever go through a single day without thinking about what happened in the pit?"

"No… I guess not… but it should be getting easier…"

"It is easier… it just gets bad sometimes…"

"Like when it is freezing cold." Sam swallowed.

"Yeah…" The two brothers sat in silence for awhile, but it was a much more comfortable silence then they have been over the past little while.

"Hey Sammy?"

"Yeah Dean?"

"I think its time for Vegas week, what do you think?" Gambling, women, and it was warmer there. Sam looked at his brother and smiled.

"Sure, sounds good Dean."


End file.
